Rags to riches: Somali pirates are turning poor villages into boomtowns. [Yahoo]

Regulation madman: Paulson wants to regulate everyone and everything. [The Deal]

Dumbasses: Canadian regulators give the okay for throttling. Way to go, guys. [Ars]

Perk-slashing: Citigroup is cutting travel & other expences for its employees. [Dealbreaker]

The Associated Press will trim its workforce by 10% as it copes with the failure of all of its biggest newspaper clients. The axe will fall for employees in 2009 according to Tom Curley, AP’s CEO. Maybe this will slow down Tim’s roll when it comes to suing bloggers.

[Reuters] Associated Press to cut 10 pct jobs in ‘09-sources

The New York Times is taking the drastic move of cutting its dividend by nearly 3/4ths and will “reevaluate its assets” in order to cope with the industry-wide downturn. A rumor has been circulating for a few months that the Times might cut some of its newsroom staff and this announcement might be a precursor to that.

There has also been speculation that the company might sell off its interests in web property About.com, but this would most likely be a bad move since About is reportedly very profitable. I’m too lazy to check right now so take that for what it’s worth.

[Reuters] New York Times cuts dividend, ‘reevaluates’ assets

Well the Chairman/CEO of Applied Biosystems isn’t the only one dumping his stock — we have just learned that the company’s CFO, Dennis Winger, is doing the same thing. Winger is selling nearly $11 million in stock before the company merges with Invitrogen.

Unlike Applied’s CEO however, Mr. Winger is not on the list of executives who will be resigning from the company. Since Applied hasn’t issued any statements, we’re forced to speculate about the trading activity. Are these two high executives taking advantage of stock bonuses or are they using the merger as an excuse to unload shares? Either way, it doesn’t speak much for their faith in the combined company…

[Finviz] Dennis Winger’s Insider Trading Activity

JPMorgan Chase is rumored to be laying off 10% of its investment banking staff after taking on thousands of employees from Bear Stearns and WaMu. The banks total workforce is above 200,000, but they have not yet announced an official number of job cuts. Anyone have any info? Let us know.

[Reuters] JPMorgan cuts investment banking jobs: sources

Internet technology company Akamai will axe 7% of its workforce before the end of the year in order to reduce costs. Oddly enough stock market analysts are skeptical of the move — viewing it as a sign of weakness both for Akamai and the tech economy as a whole. Any out of work gamblers feel like taking a chance? Visit Akamai’s careers page!

[Business Week] Akamai job cuts raise questions among analysts

Pardon our French, but God damn! Ethanol flop Verasun has posted its first quarterly earnings since declaring bankruptcy and boy are they bad. The company lost a whopping $476 million compared to the $63-$100 million dollar loss that it expected. Someone shoot this dog and put it out of its misery.

[Reuters] Bankrupt VeraSun posts third-quarter loss

Idiot Inc superstar General Growth Properties has hired bankruptcy counsel to help the company cope with its $27 billion in debts. Next week the company will owe $900 million of mortgages on its Palazzo mall in Las Vegas. GGP’s stock has been hammered this year, closing yesterday at a measly 40 cents — down from a March 2007 high of $67.

Irony: Congressman Gary Ackerman mocks the automotive CEOs for taking private jets to DC while begging for money. [Jalopnik]

Spite: Wall Street hotshots won’t be showing up for Andrew Cuomo’s birthday bash. [NY Post]

Flying Circus: Monty Python now has an official Youtube channel. [YouTube]

Estée Lauder is joining the Scrooge club and canceling their holiday party at posh sushi-joint Nobu 57. Instead, the company will be donating a small portion of that money to the Dress For Success charity. Here’s the message they’re circulating:

Dear Friends,

Many of you have been asking us about The Estée Lauder Companies Holiday press party this year. After much thought and consideration, we have decided that, at this moment in time, it is more appropriate to thank you and celebrate in another way. To express our gratitude for your support and to recognize our invaluable, deep relationships, The Estée Lauder Companies will be making a donation in your honor to Dress for Success. The mission of Dress for Success is to promote the economic independence of disadvantaged women by providing professional attire, a network of support and the career development tools to help women thrive in work and in life.

So, although we will be cancelling the party on December 1st at Nobu 57, you are very much in our hearts….

The Lauder Family and The Estée Lauder Companies

[The Daily Beast] Other Casualties of the Christmas Party Recession

Boeing is cutting 27% of its workers at a defense facility in Wichita, Kansas. The layoffs will begin this week and will last through the first half of 2009. Programs affected include: B-52/Refueling Systems Support, 767 International Tanker, Mission Planning, engineering support for Airborne Laser and 747-8, and Integrated Logistics Support.

The general manager of the Wichita facility had this to say:

“We regret the need to reduce employment, however, a combination of events are limiting our business options and forcing us to reduce our current employee total.”

He’d better hope that none of the employees working on the “airborne laser” project are too hurt by this…

[Yahoo Finance] Boeing to slash 800 jobs at Kansas facility

When we saw that the chairman and CEO of Applied Biosystems, Tony Smith, had unloaded nearly $29 million worth of stock in three days, we knew something was up. It turns out that Mr. Smith and five other board members will no longer have a place at the company when Applied merges with competitor Invitrogen. Mr. Smith’s response was to liquidate close to one million shares.

Regardless of whether or not he’s bitter (and it looks like he is) what does it say about the merits of a merger when the CEO and Chairman of one of the companies sells most of his stock before the two companies are combined? It isn’t a strong vote of confidence…

[Finviz] Tony White’s insider trading

[Yahoo Finance] Form 8-K Departure of Directors

MPC Computers (formerly MicronPC) has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, and has been delisted from the NYSE. The company struggled since buying Gateway’s Professional Services Unit, which declined in sales as soon as MPC took over. After several tough quarterly losses, its suppliers began to get antsy and cut the company’s credit rating. When a crucial supplier notified MPC that it was discontinuing service because of its inability to pay up, there was no alternative but bankruptcy left.

Executive shout-outs: John “I.P.” Yeros, Curtis “No Pay” Akey, Jeff “Drill-whore” Fillmore

[Idaho Business Review] MPC decline leads to bankruptcy

TV game-changer TiVo will be laying off some of its 495 employees, but has not announced how many. The cuts come in response to what the company calls “a rapidly evolving retail consumer market.” TiVo has filed a document with the SEC that says cash-charges for severance pay will be close to $1 million for the layoffs. If anyone has more info on this — you know who loves you.

[DocuDrama] TiVo latest valley company to announce layoffs

It was a bad day for shareholders of XTL Biopharmaceuticals. After its one-and-only drug that’s close to market failed clinical trials against a placebo, the company’s stock fell 95% in value to $0.13 per share.

How fucked does Wall Street think they are? Their market cap is a pathetic $366,000 even though they have $8 million in the bank and 0 debt.

XTL’s CEO, Ron Bentsur, had this to say:

“We are all very disappointed with the results of the study. We will devote the next few days to further analyze the data and decide on the appropriate course of action for the Bicifadine program, and for the company.”

Best of luck selling, Ron.

[Yahoo Finance] XTL Biopharma plunges on Bicifadine trial failure